Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Not Forgotten.

video

We sat at a concert and watched as Ugandan children performed songs for us. We couldn't hold back smiles as they danced and sang in the traditional way. Jake was quite excited and shouted at the top of his lungs: "Wow...that's a lot of Africans!"

A young boy stepped up to the microphone and prepared to sing his solo as the music began to play.

"I am not forgotten.
I am not forgotten.
I am not forgotten:
God knows my name."

I immediately recognized the song.

"I am not forgotten.
I am not forgotten.
I am not forgotten:
God knows my name."

Emotion welled with the musical transition and I found my mind wandering in step with the words of the song: applying the lyrics not to myself, but to someone I have never met.

I think of my little Geda all the time. What he is doing, what his nanny looks/acts like, what his smile looks like. But tonight my mind was not set on him. I was not holding back tears for Geda for I know that he will have a home: a Christian home where he will be loved and will have a father; where laughter, boy fights, protests to bedtime and meals around the table will all make up his childhood...his normal, American childhood.

Tonight my heart breaks for someone I will never meet. Someone who, I must admit, would be easy to "forget" as I battle the adoption thoughts of "how will I handle my feelings when Geda wants to know his "real" mother. Tonight...I am thinking of Geda's mother.

I look down at the tiny baby strapped to my chest...he is four weeks old...the same age Geda was when someone had to make the wrenching decision to walk away from him. They set him down and walked away. I wonder if he cried. I can't put Oliver down for more than a few minutes without him crying. Did they wait until he was asleep? Was he wrapped up? And what was she thinking as she walked away?

And then I realize that it isn't even possible for me to imagine making that choice. A choice that will follow her the rest of her life. Our days will come and go and there will be many days when we don't' think about her. But God knows the name of this woman and He will not forget her. I pray that she will know that. I pray that she will know Christ. I pray that she would be able to say these words.

"He knows my name.
He knows my every thought.
He sees each tear that falls...
And he hears me when I call."

"I have a father
He calls me his own
He never leaves me
No matter where I go."

"He knows my name.
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls...
And he hears me when I call."

"I have a maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands."

5 comments:

Janine the Bean said...

Jodi,

That left me in tears.

Thank you. As a future adoptive mother, I've thought about that too. There is a woman somewhere in Ethiopia that you will be grateful to for the rest of your life. Keep praying for her.

As you raise Geda, she will be somewhere over there in Ethiopia and I'm sure her thoughts will turn to him often.

What a great post.

Paul & Beth said...

Crying in Klamath Falls too....

I have had similar thoughts for Sophie's birth mom. And coming up on Mother's Day, I am reminded to pray for her! I have a precious gift to hold in my arms, and I can't know the circumstances that brought her here. But...I do know the God that is involved in our lives here and in the lives of those on the other side of the world. And He (God) is working to fulful his plans. In ALL things, to God be the glory!

That song is perfect. Thanks for sharing.

~Laura~ said...

okay, I'm totally broken now. Thank you for sharing your heart. This whole process is so much bigger than me and how much I want Mercy. Thank you for reminding me of that tonight.

Anonymous said...

Today I shed tears - tears of joy that she made the choice that she did and tears of sorrow that she had to.

A beautiful post, Jodi. We hold you ALL in our prayers. Mom Y.

wmw said...

Thank you for these words expressing what so many of us feel. Blessings to you and Geda's mother...