Thursday, May 29, 2008

Until I Saw His Face...ramblings before court

I promised myself I wouldn't be "one of those" adoptive mothers who becomes annoyingly impatient...bothering the agency over things NOT in their control...and I was doing so well. Not really even thinking about it obsessively, let alone pestering the agency.

Until I saw his face.

One picture. Not even a good picture. That is when I fell in love with him. Somewhat similar to the ultrasound picts (especially the 3d one) when I stare and stare and think "I wonder what he looks like now." A blurry photo that in no way portrays who he is...just a glimpse.

Then another picture. I spent probably too much time measuring his height by the lines on the worn and torn bouncer. Analyzing his position vs. how much he is the clothes make him look chubby or is he really that healthy. You name it, I analyzed it.

One thing I was not used to was having to carry a picture with me. I have never had to do that as I am rarely without my children. If someone wants to see them...I simply point them out. So I put his picture on something I am rarely without: my coffee tumbler.

Over the month, I memorized so much about those pictures that, when his update came, he looked like a different kid. Of course, it was "our Geda," but my heart sort of sank when I found it hard to recognize his eyes, or his puff of hair that looked shorter now, or the shape of his little legs. My bubble of "knowing him" by his two little pictures was burst. There is so much to get to know of him.

And then, yesterday, my sister made a very insightful observation about me when she asked, "So do you call him Geda still because you haven't passed court yet?" Hmm...I guess I do! Perhaps it was a subconscious way of holding him at a distance until he is "our son." As of now, we are simply "matched." "Perspective." "Potential."

Which brings us to tomorrow (or today as Ethiopia is ahead of us in time). Court...our very first court date. Of course, I have the cheery optimism of someone with their first court date. I was just reading a blog of another adoptive family who had been through six court dates. Post after post, you could feel her loosing the optimism and growing almost uninterested in the though she knew it would only bring bad news.

But I wont' think of that. Tomorrow is court. Tomorrow we could be parents again. Wow!

I wish I could show the pictures of Geda to illustrate the post, mentioned before...he is not our son and I am not allowed to do so. I will add a few of Oliver to give an example of how different one baby can look.

One more day to get through. God, give me grace. And grant us favor in the courts.


Janine the Bean said...

Praying for smooth sailing through court.


Your sis

Edewards Family Blog said...

Hope I didn't hurt your feelings with my comment. I think I would feel the same way, standoffish with feelings until the day he is granted, YOURS! Love you and are praying for you and baby Geda that God will bless you with him and him with such wonderful parents and brothers, no longer an orphan.

Jan said...

I'm praying,too,Jodi that little Geda will soon become a part of our family. As I was praying this afternoon it came to me that even if, for some God determined reason, he doesn't, I will still pray for him. God has brought him to our attention and that is reason enough to keep him in our hearts and prayers. But I sure want to pat that little fluff on his head and claim him as a grandson!

JPB said...

Let us know as soon as you find out ... well ... at least post it. We'll keep you in our prayers.

Janine the Bean said...

Today's the day!!!