Monday, September 29, 2008
We went to the park tonight. Josh had come home and was off again for his first day of school; I was feeling rather pent up.
It was quiet. Two men came sauntering into the park, climbed the large rock where my dinosaur explorers were hunting for fossils and sat quietly...gazing to where my babies and I were happily playing on the swings.
I could describe their looks, but that wouldn't matter much. Do looks really matter? Honestly, I was not feeling intimidated until I heard one of them yell "Kill all of the ****** ****** Cops and N*****. My heart sank and my stomach rose to my throat as he went on to describe a fight he had had with a black man and the cop who arrested him for possession of a deadly weapon.
Two more men and a lady with a baby came to join their group and I quickly and quietly packed up my family and left...the long way. I don't know what the right response would have been, but now was not the time to pick battles. I was scared.
As I walked away, I had that feeling one gets when he comes to a near accident in a car: kind of shaky. I also came away with a new heaviness. I wish my eyes did not have to be opened to what exists, but for the sake of my child, they do. Each blow to him I will feel from now to the end of my life. This hurts, but it is the only way to understand. I am sorry I have not understood racism until this beautiful boy came into our lives.
To not see the beauty in these faces is blindness, and for that, I feel sorry for them.