Monday, September 29, 2008

Blinded


We went to the park tonight. Josh had come home and was off again for his first day of school; I was feeling rather pent up.

It was quiet. Two men came sauntering into the park, climbed the large rock where my dinosaur explorers were hunting for fossils and sat quietly...gazing to where my babies and I were happily playing on the swings.

I could describe their looks, but that wouldn't matter much. Do looks really matter? Honestly, I was not feeling intimidated until I heard one of them yell "Kill all of the ****** ****** Cops and N*****. My heart sank and my stomach rose to my throat as he went on to describe a fight he had had with a black man and the cop who arrested him for possession of a deadly weapon.

Two more men and a lady with a baby came to join their group and I quickly and quietly packed up my family and left...the long way. I don't know what the right response would have been, but now was not the time to pick battles. I was scared.

As I walked away, I had that feeling one gets when he comes to a near accident in a car: kind of shaky. I also came away with a new heaviness. I wish my eyes did not have to be opened to what exists, but for the sake of my child, they do. Each blow to him I will feel from now to the end of my life. This hurts, but it is the only way to understand. I am sorry I have not understood racism until this beautiful boy came into our lives.

To not see the beauty in these faces is blindness, and for that, I feel sorry for them.

8 comments:

Janine the Bean said...

Oh Jodi, tears just came to my eyes. I'm sending you a hug long-distance. And know that you and Josh are truly in my prayers as you raise your boys.

Love you. And we love Noah SO much. You didn't make the wrong choice.

It's a sad, sick world. I wish that people could truly be color blind, but sadly many see it as an unforgivable difference.

Andrew and Rebecca said...

Jodi,
I'd like to think that people don't actually live this way. It is so sad. Thank you for sharing your story. I'd also like to think that someday those men will have some kind of life altering experience and their view will be forever changed.
I would have left, too. It's not a safe environment for the kids to play, mentally or physically!
You are a great mom and you have a lovely family!

Sarah said...

HUGS

Nick and Rosemary Cady said...

That's so sad. I'm sorry this happened, and glad that you were able to get out of there without anything happening.
Was this guy talking to you when he was telling this story, or just talking so you could hear him?
Either way - that's horrible. Thank God you're all ok.

Nick and Rosemary Cady said...

After I wrote my last comment, I realized that even though nothing happened, you're probably not "ok".
Sorry for that phrasing.
I just pray that God will give you guys the strength you need to raise Noah in this harsh world.
He's a beautiful boy. Those people really are blind.

Jesi and Joe said...

Gulp. What possess some people? I am so sorry. What a disgusting and awful experience. You're right though. This is how we learn and this is one of those experiences that will begin to prepare you for the ugliness that your family may face on occasion. Thank you for sharing this experience and allowing us all to get a little reality check.

Way to go mama. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to remain calm and collected and get your beautiful boys to safety. Big hugs!

Sheri said...

What is there to say...
they are the ones to be pitied. We are the rich ones getting to have Noah in our lives. I pray he continues to add depth to our understanding of what it takes to look past the skin and into the eyes.

Baby steps to where we want to be said...

oh jodi my heart breaks for you... i am so sorry you had to go through this. we live in a SICK, SINFUL, & DEPRAVED WORLD and unfortunately you encountered the reality of racism. living in the south i have heard that word far too many times to count... and i know when we adopt our little blessing that we will face similar situations.

you know part of me wants to jump through my computer to yours (so im on your side of the country) and go punch those guys in the face so all they see is black. but the other part of me prays that God will shake their world so much so that their view on the human race changes from the INSIDE OUT!

im so glad that yall are safe and my prayers go out to you tonight... peace be with you!

ps... noah and oliver's little personalities are really starting to blossom! i love love love your pictures!!! you have a very precious family