Wednesday, January 18, 2006

MY time

Convicted. Who am I? What is my role in life? On paper and in my mind, my role is to serve God as a wife and a mother. Why then do I strive for and desire my time? Why do we as a culture think we are entitled to it? What exactly is the purpose of "home" and how, as a mother, do I create it?

I am currently reading a book, written in the 1860's, that addresses these very questions. "Archaic," you may think, "Nothing of value for today could be hidden in a century old volume." I assert otherwise. Replace the mention of "nurses and governesses" with "Daycare and babysitters," and the activities of "masquerades" with "nights on the town" and you have a modern, and very insightful novel on what it takes to make a "home."

A home is certainly not made by mothers (myself guilty) who's ever present goal is to get some "my time." There are days when I find myself looking forward with an almost impatient frenzy for my toddler's nap so that I can have some "well-deserved peace and quiet." To write this is humbling for an often self righteous stay at home mom. I realize that as wonderful (and essential) as it is to raise your own children at home, it is possible to be just as absent as if I were working.

I also find myself feeling entitled to "a night out." But why? Is home so bad that I should want to escape? And if it is bad...who's fault is that? Only my own. Sobering thoughts for a stay at home mom. We were told before parenthood that children will make us realize how selfish we are. Selfishness comes full force here, but what I choose to do with it will determine so much (including the souls of our precious children...don't think they can't see you putting them off).
Oh for grace to overcome my selfishness and to remember that life is so much fuller when I invest my whole being into the lives of my posterity.

When selfishness comes to spit in the face of nurturing motherhood, wipe it off (along with the peanutbutter and jelly) and keep going!

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