Remember, oh Stay at Home Mom" You are Blessed!

When did we forget this? Or has it always been?

Us stay home mothers are so quick to relay the labors of our day. We strive for people to see the difficulties of our "job." We shriek when those in the workplace fail to acknowledge that "we work too!" Why are we so defensive?

Here are a couple issues which may have caused our defensiveness:
1. Rising numbers of "educated" moms.
Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-intellectual; but I do think that those who have been to college, received a degree, started their career and then returned home have a much harder time in being content at home. I think there is a compelling pull to "use their education" and, lets face it, a toddler is not a prime subject to release all of their college level learning. For all their college years, knowledge has been driven into them. Accomplishment and success have been the goals of their careers: and then upon the births of their children, after the newness of the precious life has worn off, the ducts of knowledge output get clogged and the pressure begins to mount. Questions arise such as "what am I doing with my life?" and "Do I honestly believe that the mundane chores of childcare and homemaking are the best I can give the world?"

2. A Reaction to the Working Mom
Sadly, many mom's answers to the above questions are "nothing" and "no." Therefore, they leave the home in search for a meaning to their life (and the perk of having more "stuff"). Now they have one up on us stay at home moms: they have kids and they have a job. They can do it both. What is our reaction? "I work too!!!"
Therefore, in an attempt to show our "workmanship" we whine and complain and bend under the difficult pressures of staying at home. I feel that we convince ourselves that it is much harder to stay at home than to be a working mom. With this in our minds, even the most menial chores seem unattainable. The pressures of raising well-behaved children seem insurpassible. The list of chores seems never to be checked off.

If "job" means the task one performs throughout the day for society to continue, than mother's have one of the most important careers of all. However, the problem with labeling homemaker as a job title is that it forces us to look at our role as a j-o-b; a chore; a task to accomplish. Nothing more or less than the typical nine to five career; only we have to work overtime and we don't get appreciation from peers...and no interaction with adults, no spending money, no pay benefits. Label what we do as a job and you will soon find yourself thinking in these ways.

This is an ever-present battle in my mind as I attempt to stay above the waves of discontent, pride, laziness and so on. It is a struggle to put on self-denial, but I always find it to be a life-preserver in a society of achievements and measurable success.

The truth is, we who stay at home today are blessed beyond belief. Do you realize that? How could you want to leave the most important role in a woman's life? Look beyond the simple chores of the day: laundry, cooking, dressing children, moping the floors, running errands, doing more laundry, etc... Sure, a working woman could accomplish all of those things, but that is not what it means to be a homemaker. A homemaker has a way of taking all of those things, and rolling them into a home. A place where the family finds comfort, peace, serenity. The home is taken care of: the chores are done with love, the children are at peace and the husband can enter the house after a long day in the world and find rest.

I am far from this model, but it is a dream I hope to accomplish. It is what I am working towards. Do I have a problem with defining a mother's work as a job? Yes, because it is more than a job: it is a life role, established by God for the benefit of the family unit. Who cares if the world doesn't recognize us as valid. Should we really care what a godless society thinks? Instead of showing them how hard our life is, perhaps we should rather show them how much peace can be found in running the home, raising our children, and serving our husbands. This is more than a career goal, this is my purpose in life for this is how I glorify God.

Related Tags: stay at home mom, survey, job, career, education, mother, home, home roles

Passing it on

This is for all you guys who love to sit in pubs while talking over Theology. I don't quite understand you, but my life would be at loss without you!

Church Geeks

Comments

Are you perplexed? Do you have a problem with something I said? Do you need clarification? Do you have a question?...
Leave a comment: it is great way to get discussions going!

The Toddler Nursery

The tender plant in my nursery's care has come a long way from it's beginnings as a seed. Since it first pushed it's way out into the air as a fragile shoot, it has grown strong and bright: taking in all the sunlight and water I allow it to have.

That plant is my toddler boy and the nursery is our home. The sun and water are the spiritual and physical nourishment he so needs to become a healthy child. My little sprout has leaves of his own now: ideas, thoughts, thinking patterns...even the ability to attempt having an affect on the ideas, thoughts and thinking patterns of others. He certainly is shooting up like a weed, though he embodies the most beautiful flower you could ever envision.

One thing is clear that describes this stage: Growth. If you have ever raised a plant from a seed (or a child from the womb) you know the process. It seems like an eternity for our seed (unborn child) to sprout. We wait, and wait, and wait some more. Our minds begin to doubt the inevitable arrival of the awaited little plant. However, the exciting day comes and reveals a tangible, visible, beautiful young life. The unseen life we have been constantly caring for. We now marvel and the tenderness of the little life; we handle it cautiously...afraid to harm it's tender beauty. Slowly it becomes stronger until you wake up and see in front of you a not-so-weak life with leaves of its own. Growth is a constant, day by day occurrence now as he reaches towards the sun and draws from the water he is given.

It is in this stage when many parents -- seeing that their child is stronger and apparently resilient -- make the choice to hand their child into the care of someone else. However, many parents do not realize what type of plant they are raising. It goes unnoticed that the seed they planted isn't what they thought. Children are more like bonsai trees than simple sunflowers. Have you ever talked with someone who cares for bonsai trees? It is as if they are the only ones in the world who have the knowledge to give their tree what it needs. Hand it over into someone else's care at this tender stage of training? Never. Sure...anyone can raise a sunflower, but the complexity of these plants are parallel to none.

So begins perhaps the most important duty of parents: training. Every day we must watch him carefully; looking for a branch that is going in the wrong direction, or a shape in his character which seems wrong. Every day he must be pruned, watered, given just the right amount of sun and shade: he must be trained.

Such were the reasons behind my life slowing down. There isn't time for outside pursuits. Now is the time I must be home, attentively watching his young life so that he doesn't grow wild...out of shape. It is vital in this stage: he must not be left alone.

Of course, this is also a time where he is learning independence; but since this is only the beginning of that lesson, it must be kept short. Nonetheless, we must not forget to allow them to take their own shape: to reach towards their own interests, activities and dreams within our direction and authority.

A sunflower needs no authority, it needs to training. Our children are not the same. Their hearts were made to come under authority: the authority of parents, leaders, and God. To rob them of that is to take away their security and their direction in life. To refuse to bring a stable authority into their lives will produce wild, untrained trees with no direction: twisting and reaching to find something to hold onto.

Don't neglect this stage of nursery...it is perhaps one of the most important as these little ones are learning to allow authority into their lives. Gently and tenderly we must direct them, train them, and watch God shape them into a beautiful maturity.

Related Posts:
What is Wrong with the Nurseries?
What is a Nursery?
The Detachment of the Womb
The Infant Nursery

Photo Tip #1: Don't Avoid the Uncomfortable

Some of my favorite shots of my kids are the ones where they are "less-than-happy." Perhaps this is because it captures a real moment; the moments inbetween pasted on smiles and forced poses. They capture this life we are making our way through: tears and all.

The only advice I would give when shooting life's more difficult moments is: be discrete. The last thing someone wants in the midst of their trouble is to have an over-zealous camera mom in their face.

Capture daddy's way of soothing a newborn baby, or calming down a frantic toddler. Capture the interactions of siblings or the pensive moments following discipline.

Don't avoid the camera when life gets hard. If life is a bed of roses, don't forget the thorns.

Related Tags: Photo Tip, memory, capturing kids, child photography, camera mom

Must Reads

I have come across a few internet items lately which have put into words the expressions of my heart. John Piper's sermon entitled "Do Not Forsake Your Mother's Teaching", A blog post entitled "Professionalism and Children", and a quote all addressing the issue of parenting and schooling our children. If I wasn't fully convinsed to start the journey of homeschooling before, I am now.

First, the article of professionalism and children reached into what I have inexpressibly felt in such a short, precise way, that I would urge you to read it over this post. The truth is, society at large does feel that childcare is better left to professional caretakers. It is the claim that the children are better off in age-appropriate activities with other children. Well, I have been a "Professional child care provider" and let me just be honest: As happy and excited as I acted to see your child, my love for them did not add up to parental love and concern. Such is the case with your child's wonderful and perfect nanny, day-care provider, or teacher. At the end of the day, your child is just a job to them.
Parents seem to be pegged as "always knowing best." You buy the best stroller, find the best doctor, use the best mothods for childraising...and then drop them off at childcare to be raised for the majority of their waking hours by someone other than yourself who, if you bothered to secretly watch, is undoubtedly doing things very differently than you would. Can it really be possible that this is the best for your child?

If you didn't feel the weight of parenthood by the above article link, perhaps you should read Piper's sermon. I remember listening to this a while ago and weeping at the weight of parenthood. At the end, at the final judgement, it is me who will be responsible for the raising of my children. Yes, it is okay to use outside help, but the blame or commendation will lie on my shoulders.

But aside from the eternal weight of responsibility, I can't even explain the joy that would be missed if I wasn't with my children. Yesterday, for example, I was able to witness my child weighing death in his mind. He croutched, for a long time, over a worm that had wiggled onto the hot pavement and died. Finally, after much consideration, he asked, "Mommy, are worms animals?" I could see the workings of his emotions: "Should this be sad?" So, I sat with him for a little while, with a feeling of blessedness that I can be there for him as he learns to sort through the difficult questions of life. In the end, we burried the worm.

Too much silliness...too little time

In my "quick scroll" through some regular blogs, I came upon one with several posts which were more than usually silly. Since I limit my blogging to the hour before my kids awake, I don't have time to address them all individually but let me just zip you through a couple which made me say "You have got to be kidding if you say you can't see this!"

1. "Brittish Prefer Fun Over Babies"
Of course they do! Since when did grown-up children stop realizing that their parents sacrificed their wants and desires for the sake of the kids? I guess it was when they stopped doing so. We are on the tail-end of the generation which believed you could have it all: career, family, fun, fashion...More, more, more! Well, it seems as though the children who were raised in this atmosphere are realizing that their parents didn't' "have it all," they had pieces of many different things which led to a scattered, frantic lifestyle with never enough time for anything!

Therefore, you have 1. More stay-at-home moms than ever and 2. More couples choosing to have their careers and fun lives instead of children. Is this bad? I don't really think so. Who says that a person has to attempt the impossible goal of "having it all"?

To those choosing to forgo the blessing and character-building aspect of having children, I say "go for it!" Do I think they are missing out on one of the greatest common-grace gifts of God? Absolutely. Do I think this will develop an even greater selfishness among these people? You bet! However, perhaps if the birth rate drops among this upcoming generation, people will stop giving me grief when I tell them how many children I want! (an undetermined number, but 8 has been thrown out there several times...we'll take it one by one and have as many as God will give me the grace to handle).

To those writing the article as though this will stop society in it's tracks...as though this epidemic is a bad thing, I say: "Let those who work work without having to abandon children to day-cares and nannies. Let those who have children raise them without the pressures of working!"

2. "Johny Depp Wants His Kids to Have a View"
Speaking of "having it all" I guess when your famous the temptation is even greater! "I want I want I want!" These poor children who will have to play in their yard with the view of a shopping center. It seems that the city in which he lives wants to place a shopping center directly in the way of his children's view...he calls it a violation of environmental quality laws. Did I mention that he lives in Los Angeles? I don't think any more needs to be said on this one!

3. "Universal Preschool on the Ballot in California"
According to this article, Preschool would be available to everyone in the state free of charge (whew! no more day-care cost!). Supposedly kindergarten children are coming into their first year of school being expected to know their letters: a task which would require a whole year in school? A task which requires a professional child care worker to teach? Does this seem silly to anyonee else?
Not only does this seem silly to me but it scares me a little bit. As a mother who plans to home school my children, I see these political mandates and trendy moves taking children away from parents at an ever-increasing rate. For now they are "optional" but I know that is not the desires of those who are pushing these laws forward. Face it: they want our children so that they can teach them what they want to teach them: "homosexuality is okay, you can be anything you want to be, all religions are equal..." They see me (a Christian mother who wants to be involved in her children's education) as a threat to society.
Well, one thing is sure: if they take my rights (a word they like) away from me as a mother to train up my child...we are moving!

Also in today's posts: "Tips for Step Families", "Tanning parlors Advertise in High Schools", "Career Counseling for Teenagers", and "New Disney Program for the Very Young"

Finally, mixed into the middle of these posts:
"Mother's Attention Benefits Newborns for Years"
I don't know when common sense started making news, but I guess if people don't know this little fact, I hope they will listen to a study about it. Honestly, I don't even know what to say about this one.

All I can say is that I am glad to not have to make sense of all these studies together. I am blessed to be outside the hasle of trying to figure out my career, my children, when they should start school or what they are learning or being exposed to when they do go.
I am glad that I know with common sense that the best thing I can give my child is not a good view in L.A., or a trip to Disneyland when he is 2, or an early start in the public schools. The best thing I can give my child is (drum roll...this is deep) ME!

Related Tags: Blogging Baby, BBC, Career, Stay-at-home, Have it all, Silly, Johny Depp, Universal Preschool, Ballot measure, Mother's Attention